Observing, Absorbing

The brown iodine that is put on wounds mixes with the lotion I use to massage the scars. It makes a funny yellow colour that reminds me of runny mustard. The tissues (scars, skin, musles) are very human but there is one distinct difference - I feel much more bones because there is much less fat. The scars are much thicker and the contractures severe. The deformites none like I have ever seen before. But the tissues and scars and people respond to my hands, to the massage. The scars begin to move, become more mobile. Limbs begin to move. There is less discomfort in their eyes.

There is a very specific smell in the air. A smell that is common here because it is mix of food, bodies, urine under the bed, and open wounds. It is a pungent smell to me - one that I neither like or find disgusting. But it is a smell that I know I will become used to and next week I will not smell it anymore.

My eyes are not used to the fact that there are no IVs or multiple bottles of medicines by the patient's beds. Families of patients continously migrate from one bed to another, or one room to another, to observe what is being done to patients. They don't say very much, just look. My new roommate explained that that is part of the shock the country is still after the atrocities the population here suffered - in the face of something tragic people simply stare. Their gazes follow me as I travel between one room and another. Their faces are serious, their eyes dark and intense but when I smile and say hello, they break out into the most beautiful warm smiles and laughs. I guess sometimes that is all it takes.

I am amazed at how well we (patinets and I) can communicate given a significant language barrier. They are very happy to tell me words in Khmer - "ocun" (thank you), "tee" (no), "paan" (yes). THe staff all speak english and are all very welcoming. I can't believe how well they speak given that many have not taken english lessons for a while now.

I don't know if I'm in culture shock. I'm in purgatory I think. I travel between the "western world" here and "the Khmer world";I have found a beautiful apartment downtown and share it with a lovely Australian woman who has lived here for 18 months. The apartment is something I have dreamed of (and I found it here, in Phonm Penh!!). The Khmer office staff at ROSE are also lovely and have helped me a tremendous deal in setting up a daily moped driver and finding various things - so that has not been a struggle. It has simply been one of those classic cases - ask and you shall receive! I am not used to the poverty, the dirt on the streets, the run down buildings, the lack of safety precautions, the exotic fruits, the bread tasting different. But it would ridiculous to describe this place based on only those variations. I am determined to expand the filters and lenses through which I live the world.