On the edge of violence

The acid burns and the entire culture of their occurrence is shocking me. I ingest it piece by piece. I can only take in pieces at this point because I find it disturbing in a way that leaves me stunned and at a mental crossroads. I hit points of saturation daily; at which point I need to mentally switch gears or walk away for a breath of something else because otherwise I become ineffective and get swallowed up by various thoughts and emotions that would not have any immediate benefit to anyone - the staff, the patients or you.

I'm not sure how prevalent or common acid attacks are. The statistics are varied and generally not very reliable. To clarify - acid attacks are the intentional act of pouring acid on a person to cause them harm. Although they are a criminal act, it is not common for the acid burn victims to take their assailant to court. Some reasons why (as explained to me by various individuals) are: the victim is very poor and uneducated so they are not aware of their rights. It costs too much money for lawyers and the victim is poor therefore cannot afford a lawyer. The victims are afraid that the assailant will do more harm to them. A couple cases were recalled where the lawyer ended keeping all of the money awarded to the victim. The explanation was simple - the system is corrupt. This is by no means the beginning or the end of reasons.

Talking to the acid burn survivors (through translators such as the nurses) and reading assessment questionnaires from the Acid Burn Survivors Support Group (ABSSG) here at ROSE, I begin to learn pieces of stories of these individuals. Personal stories that give a human face to impersonal statistics or numbers.

Acid attack seems to be an act based in jealousy or revenge, usual in context of personal relationships; a way of dealing with family or marital problems. Often women are the victims, however, there are also a number of men. The specific situations which have been related are: the husband has a second wife (a mistress) and the first wife is jealous or not happy with this situation and "deals" with the problem of infidelity by pouring acid on the second wife. Sometimes the husbands are the victims of such emotional reactions. Sometimes the attack is based on suspicion - the wife thinks here husband is having an affair. Sometimes it is an act of anger - the man who is denied by a woman he fancies strikes back by pouring acid on her. Or a husband who is angry at his wife because she wants a divorce pours acid on her. Sometimes the attacks are more random - a case of mistaken identity or accidental (it was really meant to strike the person next to you).

I often travel between two worlds - the one I can relate to and the one who's realities I am beginning to grasp: I cannot imagine pouring acid as a way of dealing with marital problems or problems in general. At which point does an individual cross over and become capable of this type of violence? To a person with whom you share a home? With whom you have created children? Where is this type of brutality born out of ? As I write this, it feels surreal. However, when I leave this computer and massage the extensive, deforming, life altering scars caused by the acid which had burned it's way through flesh and muscle, it is very real. I feel with and in my hands, I smell the scars, I see the eyes of these patients as they struggle to move on in their own ways.

The response of the society to acid burn victims is to look away. People are scared of the scars, disgusted with the disfigured appearance. A common trend within this group of individuals is that none of them are able to find work. Their abilities are secondary. The primary factor is that they are disfigured and therefore people do not want to work with them or hire them, afraid of the impact it would have on their businesses. I am curious to explore this prejudice, this reaction more. In a conversation with a foreigner, they pointed out that part of the reason why disabled individuals have a such a difficult time is that people believe that bad things have happened to them because of karma - they were bad in a past life and now this is what happens. I am exploring this more...

And it goes on...the scars are so extensive and the damage so deep. There is little to no social support for these individuals. Many have their families which will support them. Many do not - those will end up living out their days making money off their scars and deformities as beggars...enough money for one meal a day of rice and maybe some fish and vegetables.

The Khmer people are kind. They are soft. They do not act or carry themselves in an aggressive manner. At least that is the perception of this female foreigner. But there is an underlying edge here, a potential for violence that exists within. I think they are not inherently violent or aggressive - humans are not born to kill or hurt. We are taught the violence. Hence this edge of violence maybe a result of the violence that on a social scale these people have experienced and endured. Oppression, suppression, poverty and years of blood shed - the social wounds and scars leave their marks on generations and surface in various ways.